?

Log in

No account? Create an account
captainmaim
31 January 2008 @ 10:59 pm
    Deep in the woods, on the hunt for the elusive herd of French fries Dingles carried his trusty toothpick/food tagging rifle. His hunt had yielded many fry tracks but only leading to a school of popcorn shrimp swimming with breaded crusts along the shore.  "Perhaps they at the fries?", Dingles thought as he observed the shrimp.  Dingles wasn't given a licence to hunt popcorn shrimp. Jumbo, and shrimp scampy, yes, but not popcorn.  Just then Dingles spotted a large turkey burger grazing on a ketchup bush.  Dingles aimed his toothpick rifle and planted a tooth pick with a little purple frizzy flag into the back of the grazing sandwich. Ketchup drooled out the side of the sandwich as it went motionless.
    "SCORE!", yelled Dingles.   Just then 3 onion rings came trundling along to his left.  Dingles scrambled to load his gun to mark another wild animal or plant product.  Dingles waited till the onion rings had tumbled over to the ketchup tree to examine the now motionless turkey sandwich.  
    Dingles looked through the happymeal spyglass on his rifle and fired two picks into the first onion ring, pinning it to the ketchup bush. The other two scattered, but Dingles didn't care, one was bounty enough.  "Success!  Another entree tagged!"  Just then Dingles heard something rustling in the grease bush behind him.  He turned around and saw a fried chicken staring at him.  He stared back at it, and that's when it happened.. Not from the front, but from the sides, from the other fried chickens he didn't even know where there.   
    The right one slashed him across the tongue, filling his mouth with sweet chickeny flavor.  The left one across the belly, filling him up with meaty goodness.   The front one swiped his nose, to give the distinct aroma of well cooked KFC chicken.  Because you see, you are alive when you start to eat them.  So it's worth showing a little respect... For...  Some reason. 
 
 
captainmaim
09 December 2007 @ 11:04 am
Okay for those of you who might be reading, let's, as I said, play a game.

I'm going to start a story of ridiculous proportions and I want you to post and continue it.  Don't be afraid to be absurd, that'll make it more fun.  Don't make too long a post though.   Just a nice modest sized one.   But it can be short too.   When I feel the story has run its course I'll call an end to it the game, and probably start another one.

Okay now that the rules are out of the way here's the story.


So three men ans a space shuttle were walking down an escalator one day when the space shuttle said to one of the men.  It's about time you took me on an earth walk. 


Hmm... that's more of a uselessly cheap joke, I'm not even sure it's funny.   Okay let's try something else.  Something with a sentient cardboard box, those are always fun.

Thee jars of peanut butter were flying through the sky one day in their home made cardboard box plane, when one of the jars was suddenly struck by lightning.   The jar struck by lightning suddenly started spewing popcorn into the sky for some reason.

Okay now it's your turn.
 
 
captainmaim
15 November 2007 @ 09:34 am
    I don't know what to write here.  I really don't.  I'm just typing a bunch of stuff at the moment to fill some time.  I'm bored and I want to type... Hmmm...  Maybe I should tell a story?

    So two guys walk into a bar and "WAM" one of them falls down.  What?  Heard that one?  Okay how about this one:

    Eleventeen people are walking down an uphill road when suddenly a space box with extra space come flying down from, you guessed it, the ocean.  It speaks to them in a form of English not heard much outside of the general population of people who watch TV.  
    It said, "I'm from space, and also the ocean and I've come to offer you a life time supply of peanut butter."  The space box then offers each of the eleventeen people a sandwich with a limitless supply of peanut butter.   Which he then claimed to have obtained through specially skilled jar whiping techniques.  (who says you can't get it all out? There's just a near infinatly finite amount of peanut butter left in the jar after you've tried to get it out all the ways you normally know how to.) 
    The peanut butter is great, the people chew, and chew and chew, and are still chewing long after their sandwiches are done.   In fact the box assures them, that they are going to finish chewing the sandwich one of these weeks.  Afterall it is, as the box claimed, only a finite supply of infinite peanut butter.  Which was of course the name of the brand he was selling.  "Unkle Frad's (yes "frad's") Infinatly finite box of peanut butter."  Three hours later the people had finished getting all the peanut butter out of their mouths.   They thanked the space box which then (for no apparent reason) flew into the ground flattened and then began digging with unseen arms into the soil while saying, "Down down and below!" After digging 3 feet into the ground it sighed and zoomed back into space from whence it came while saying, "Back into OUTER SPACE!" of course.  Space boxes from the ocean always come from space, didn't you know that?

The end. 

Bet you never heard a preposterous story like THAT before?  Well if I do nothing else, I might as well tell absurd stories here.  They're fun.  And Just maybe, I put a smile on someone's face today.  :) I know I smirked a few times myself.   Later!